Striving for Naught

I spent nearly 15 hours this weekend at a competition for solo singing. I competed in two catagories, musical theatre and classical singing and had a total of eight pieces that I had been slaving over for the past two months. For the record, the competition was great experience and I didn't crash and burn. But I had plenty of time (in between the singing, warming up, actual performance and subsequent agonizing over the mistakes) to contemplate the nature of competition.

I saw a variety ways in which people deal with competing exemplified this weekend:

#1. "Nailed It"

Unfortunately the most common attitude in the singing world- the "nailed it" competitor walks out of the room feeling not just confident, but assured of a win. When asked how it went, this person with respond, with a chuckle, "Oh, it was fine... no mistakes. They loved it." If no one else around them giggles, one can only assume they were being serious and then can catagorize them as a "nailed it" competitor. This person, if informed they were not the winner, will not be able to understand why they were not the best. They will roll their eyes and give you lists of reasons why the judges were biased. Watch out for "nailed it" conspiracy theorists: aka "Well, if you ask me, the entire competition is rigged because..."

#2. "Poor Me"

The slightly less popular, but ever present, competitor attitude is the "Poor Me". These creatures have, apparently, never experienced a day in which they were in "good voice". They are always plugged up, snotty and flemish; adjectives which, ironically, usually describe their personalities as well. When this person leaves the competition, they are never surprised that the judges "hated them" because they were not having a good day, the room was too dry, the piano was out of tune and, finally, they really just weren't having a good vocal day.

#3. "Eh..."

Strangely enough, the smallest percentage of competitors fit into this catagory. Sometimes "eh.."s will lean towards "Poor Me" but they rarely lean towards nailed it. The "eh..." sees their performance for what it was: the best they could have done. They realize that there may have been flaws and that there were also probably great moments. They are able to realize that judges aren't the voice of God, but rather just people asked for their opinion. The classic "eh.." can separate themselves from their score.

There are, of course, more types of competitors, but these three seem to describe the majority of the people I encountered this weekend. The problem with singing competitions is that the singer cannot put his instrument away. There is walking away from the music, but never away from the voice. When a judge critiques the voice or the performance, the singer must fight to distinguish the criticism of his instrument from criticism of himself.

In one catagory I was given a "superior" rating and a "good" rating by two separate judges. I was told one of my songs was "wonderful" and then told the same song "didn't show you off vocally or dramatically." One said my pianos were spot on and one said they didn't like the dynamic levels. Two judges said that my register changes were great and the other one suggested that I work on my register changes. If I spent time trying to please everyone or taking all of those words to heart, I'd implode.

But I walked away from the weekend with the knowledge that I am loved. The judges may not have loved me, the other singers certainly didn't love me, and I may have not loved myself all that much after reading all of those criticisms. But in the deep recesses of my mind, I know that I am loved by God and by the people who matter. I could come in dead last place every time. I could be told that I should never sing again. God still loves me.

I could win every time. I could be told that I was the most amazing singer they'd ever heard. God doesn't love me any more. See, not only are my works not enough to gain God's love, but my talents aren't going to get me anywhere either. God gave us our talents to glorify Him! Being more talented than others doesn't mean diddley squat to Him.

So if you think you may be a "Nailed It" or a "Poor Me" when it comes to competition, perhaps you should join me in my quest to be more "Eh..." ish. I want to put my successes aside and focus on the fact that I am loved completely and totally as well as separately from any accolades, works or wins that I may accrue.

Plus, "Nailed It" and "Poor Me" just get tiring for both those saying it and those listening. So, there's that...